Why Should Empathy Matter?

In today's fast-paced and interconnected world, the ability to empathize has become increasingly important for building meaningful connections with others. Whether it's in personal or professional relationships, empathy plays a vital role in fostering understanding, trust, and cooperation. In this week's episode of #eqconversations, I will explore the power of empathy, how to apply empathy skills effectively, and the potential consequences of lacking empathy. Join me as I  delve into the fascinating world of empathy and discover how it can positively impact your life.

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to EQ Conversations, the podcast that delves into the fascinating world of emotional intelligence and empathy with your host, Dr. Raheem Lay. He will provide you with extraordinary content on these crucial aspects of human interaction and more. It's time to cultivate your emotional intelligence. Here's Dr. Lay.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

And today we're going to be talking why empathy matters. I really like empathy because I was forced to discover it on my own. But I after going through some hard personal and professional challenges in my life, it really forced me to dig deep as to what I can do better in my own with my own intentions when dealing with other relationships. What I can do myself, take that accountability, change behavior, apply new methods, learn. So why does empathy matter? And we're going to talk about that today. Now, if this is your first time tuning into the podcast, thank you so much for listening, first and foremost. As I stated, I'm your host, Dr. Lay. And what my goal is for this podcast is to spread the knowledge and benefit of emotional intelligence and empathy, and how incorporating these two skills in your life will help improve your overall professional and personal relationships while at the same time helping you to become the best version of yourself. Now you can find this podcast streaming on all major podcast platforms, your your Spotify, your Apple Podcasts, your Google Podcasts, etc. And you can also listen to the podcast on my YouTube channel at EQ Conversation. And I'm also on IG at EQ Conversation. So without further ado, let's go ahead and get into it. So a couple of things we're going to be covering down with today when we're talking about empathy. One, I think it's important to understand what empathy is when it comes to personal and professional relationships. We got to build a better understanding of what empathy is. And so that's looking at definitions and the different types of empathy. We're also going to look at the benefits of empathy, right? Why developing empathy skills matter. We're also going to look at empathy and personal relationships as well as professional relationships. We're going to look at the consequences of lacking, you know, what happens when you lack empathy. And then we're going to look at empathy and emotional boundaries. I think that is a very critical piece as well. Practicing, you know, self-emphytable in the digital world. I think that is a critical piece to understand and to embrace because it is happening. We are in a digital world. Teaching empathy to children, um, and and empathy and cultural understanding, and then some practical tips for enhancing empathy, and then we kind of wrap things up there. So there were so many different topics I want to discuss, you know, discuss with empathy. But um, with this, because I try to commit to 30 minutes, no more than 35 minutes each segment. Um, I'm gonna be summarizing a lot of this. Um, I am in the process. Well, my book is done, but I I do have a book coming out September 18th. It's called Empathy Has No Rank. Um, Mission First, People Always, and it really talks about my struggle um as a leader, as a military leader, excuse me, as a professional. And, you know, when it came to not being as empathetic as I should have been, not having the emotional intelligence needed to have or to build effective relationships. Um and I want to share that experience with the world. I want to share that experience with people who are in, you know, uh, you know, professional settings where they the relationship building, the ability to trust is very important to getting the mission done. Um and I'm hoping that this book, you know, not only influences individuals to apply empathy to their lives or emotional intelligence, but then also to understand that you can bounce back from you know any negative experiences, bad situations that come about by taking that accountability and saying, hey, I gotta learn more effective, better ways of communicating. Uh, and I have to do that on me because I don't want this to happen again. I don't want to go through these situations again. So um, so I hope, you know, that that's my goal for the book. So it's called Empathy Has No Rink. You can pre-order it on Amazon, uh, but it dropped September 18th. I specifically wanted it to drop it on the Air Force's birthday. I am a 23-year vet, um, both Army, Air Force, a little bit of reserve time as well. Um serving as not only infantryman when I was in the army, but then as a mental health provider in the in the air force. Uh, I've been a mental health provider since 2005, so nearly two decades of practicing um in in understanding behavioral health and and helping individuals to um to work through their trials and tribulations as well. Um, but I do think empathy can be that foundation for communication as well as emotional intelligence. Um, so there is where my passion lies. That's where I am dedicating the next chapter of my life to, and I want people of all ages, from children on up, to really enhance the power of empathy as well as emotional intelligence. But today we're talking empathy. Why does it matter? So when we look at the power of empathy, um, we got to look at how to cultivate stronger relationships. And one of the things I noticed that, you know, when we're talking about this fast-paced, interconnected world, you know, having the ability to empathize has become increasingly important, right? For building meaningful connections with others. Now, whether it's in your personal or professional relationships, I think empathy plays that vital role in fostering understanding, in building trust and cooperation. And so we're gonna explore that power of empathy, how to apply those skills effectively and and the potential consequences of lacking empathy. And so uh we're gonna get into this, right? We're gonna talk about this, and again, um, I want to try to keep this under 30. I try to. Um, I'm I'm I try to, but it doesn't always work out, right? But first and foremost, understanding empathy. And so empathy, it's it's at its core, it's the capacity to understand and share the feelings of another person. Um, it goes beyond sympathy, okay, which involves acknowledging someone's emotions without truly experiencing them. And the best way I look at it is empathy focuses on the ability to feel as someone else, versus sympathy is the ability to feel for someone. And so empathy is that the bridge that connects individuals emotionally and allowing them to connect on a on a deeper level. Now, there are different types of empathy. Okay, we have cognitive empathy, which involves understanding someone's perspective and emotions intellectually. Then we have the emotional empathy. Now, on the other hand, it is the ability to feel what another person is feeling. And lastly, we have compassionate empathy, which combines both cognitive and emotional empathy. Um, and it's driving individuals to take action and provide support. So when you look at the benefits of empathy, we're talking about it improves communication and understanding. Because it when it enhances, as empathy enhances communication, it enhances it by enabling us to truly listen to others and comprehend their needs and their concerns. And so by understanding their perspective, we can respond in a way that validates their emotions as well as building trust. It also strengthens relationships in that trust, right? Piggybacking off of that because empathy acts as that glue that binds relationships together because it creates a safe and supportive environment. It has the potential to create that safe and supportive environment where individuals feel understood, they definitely feel valued, and most importantly, they feel respected. And so building trust becomes easier when people uh excuse me, when people sense that their emotions are acknowledged and accepted. Now, when you talk about um communication, you definitely think of conflict resolution um and having the ability to problem solve. And so I think empathy plays a pivotal role in it because in resolving conflicts and finding effective solutions, when you know we are empathizing with others, we gain that insight to their motivations as well as their desires. And what that does is it does it make it easier to find common ground and and reach a compromise, right? So it's super important to develop you know empathy skills, and so fortunately, empathy is a skill that can cultivate and refine through conscious effort and practice. Now, notice I said conscious effort because you really do have to be in the present. And here are some strategies um to help you develop your empathy skills, all right. And we talked about this some when we looked at self-awareness, when we talked about social awareness and what it takes, the different skills and what it takes to be better in those different skill sets when we are looking at emotional intelligence. But um, the first skill I want to touch on again is the active listening and nonverbal cues. Now, active listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker, right? And we do this by maintaining eye contact and focusing on their verbal and nonverbal cues, and so by doing so, you can better understand their emotions and respond appropriately. And if you want to learn a little bit more about active listening, definitely check out episode two um of EQ Conversations and a little bit of three as well, because I do touch on that a lot. Um, the other part to different skill sets to apply is putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Now, imagine yourself in another person's situation, and by doing that, I would say it's a powerful way to foster empathy, okay, because you're stepping outside of your own perspectives. Um, you you then gain a new insight and develop a deeper understanding of their experiences. And a lot of us don't do this enough. We think when we're listening to someone, um, oftentimes you find yourself getting triggered by something that another person says, you must understand that you are totally not active listening. You're not putting yourself in someone else's shoes because you want to identify with the emotions, you want to identify with what that individual is saying and how they're feeling in order to get a better understanding so that you can be productive in your response, right? And so cultivating self-awareness and emotional intelligence, again, is another skill where self-awareness is the foundation of empathy, I believe. And by recognizing and understanding your own emotions, you become better equipped to empathize with others, and so emotional intelligence with uh which involves managing and expressing emotions effectively, it also plays that crucial role in developing empathy. And as you can see, guys, that when we when we talk about these different skill sets, they're all interconnected in some way, shape, or form. When we talk about EQ and empathy. Now, why is this important? Because we have personal and professional relationships that we want to maintain, right? In order to move forward in our lives, in order to be the best versions of ourselves, we need these different relationships in our lives. And when it comes to personal relationships, I think empathy is the key to fostering healthy and fulfilling personal relationships. And so by applying empathetic skills, those skills like we just discussed there, we can create deeper emotional connections and offer support during both joyful and challenging times. Remember, these skills should not just be used when someone's going through negative times, they are equally important and viable when someone is going through joyful times as well. And so by joyful times, we're talking about empathetic communication, let's say with loved ones, right? When you're interacting with a loved one, we think, you know, it's essential to practice active listening, to validate their emotions, right? And by doing so, you show that you genuinely care and you understand their perspectives. Um, and you strengthen that bond between the two of you, right? And so supporting others through difficult times. Let's let's go ahead and look at that, right? Is that empathy is particularly important when supporting others through those tough situations, all right? You offer a listening ear, you provide a bit of comfort, or or simply being present, it can make or break that relationship, or at least that communication at that moment in time. Um, and it makes a significant difference in someone's life to know that they've been heard and understood and that they had a safe space to really voice their opinions about something, you know, that challenging situation. Um we also look at nurturing emotional connections. And I think empathy allows us to tune into the emotional needs of our loved ones. And so by expressing empathy, we can nurture and deepen emotional connections and creating a solid foundation for a long-lasting relationship. And by that, we when we when we talk about those relationships from a personal standpoint, I think they're equally important even in a in professional relationships, right? And it's equally crucial when it comes to a professional setting. Why? Because in a professional setting, um, the things that I saw I saw myself struggle in is when you talk about enhancing teamwork, when you talk about promoting effective leadership and contributing to a positive work culture, right? That building rapport with colleagues and clients, I think is so critical, right? Because fostering trust and collaboration is what gets the job done with what gets the mission done. Right. So by understanding their perspectives and needs, you can establish meaningful connections and work together more effectively. Okay. Now, as a leader, not employing something like empathy, um, or better yet, let's start with what happens when you do employ empathy, it really does create a more supportive and motivating work environment. Right? And that's just simply understanding your team members' strengths, their weaknesses, as well as their aspirations. You know, I think empathetic leaders can guide and inspire their employees to achieve their full potential. When you are not understanding your members' strengths, when you don't know their weaknesses, when you don't know what inspires them, it is really, really, really hard to get the job done, to be effective with it, to avoid burnout, to start seeing the gripes that people start having regular, you know, negative attitudes at work. You have to look at what you're doing wrong as a leader and say, hey, do I know these characteristics of my members? And if I don't, I need to start learning, right? And so enhancing that teamwork and collaboration, empathy promotes this because it promotes cooperation and teamwork and by fostering a sense of camaraderie and understanding among team members. And so when individuals feel heard, again, when they feel valued, they are more likely to contribute their unique skills and their perspectives to getting and making sure that that mission is complete. Again, the the book I have coming out, the reason I say mission first people always is because we know from a productivity standpoint, we know missions are important. However, people, if people are always important, the mission is going to take care of itself, right? That it's just gonna happen. So I think you got to invest more in the people so that in return, they will give you the best version of themselves, their unique skills as well as their perspectives, right? Now there are consequences to this. There are consequences when you don't apply empathy, right? That lack of empathy, it can have detrimental effects on both personal and professional relationships. And I on first hand, I will tell you, I've seen it happen in my own life where empathy, when it's absent, misunderstanding can arise, conflicts may escalate, and relationships can deteriorate, which is again, I've seen this happen. Okay, and so when we talk about misunderstanding and conflicts, it's is you have to think about it like this. Without empathy, it becomes challenging to truly understand another person's point of view, right? Now, what that does is what that what that does is lead to misunderstanding and conflicts as different perspectives clash without finding a common ground. It's left undone, and then two people have a negative environment, you know, you create a negative environment, and now you have a negative relationship with this individual. That means that they can go and talk about you know what you don't do as a leader, and that can spread, even with people who you may have had a good relationship with or people who don't know you that well. And so it's best to understand okay, how do I start to foster these qualities of empathy in my leadership skills so that I can avoid this, right? And then we gotta get we what that does is that that decreases productivity as well as morale. And when we talk about the workplace, a lack of empathy, when I say it can result in a decreased productivity and lower morale, um, is when employees feel unheard, when they feel undervalued, right? Their motivation and engagement can truly suffer, negatively impacting overall, you know, work performance, right? And you have to look at as a leader, you have to look within yourself. You have to say, okay, what am I doing differently? Right? So strained personal and professional relationships, when it comes to those personal and professional relationships, they rely on empathy for that sustenance. Okay, and without empathy, these relationships can become strained, lacking of emotional connection and understanding needed in order to grow and give mutual support to one another. And so, with that being said, you know, I get it. A lot of leaders, um, a lot of people in professional settings, you know, they they definitely employing empathy can be overwhelming at times, but it can be overwhelming because there may not be some, there may be a lack of empathy and emotional boundaries into play. And so even though empathy is essential, it's also crucial to maintain healthy emotional boundaries. Okay, and that's balancing empathy and self-care, you know, as essential aspects to prevent emotional, you know, exhaustion as well as burnout. And so finding that balance between empathy and self-care, I you know, I would say practicing empathy should not come at the expense of your own emotional well-being. Okay, if you're giving so much of yourself where you feel emotionally drained by the time you get home, you have nothing to tend to yourself with, I think some boundaries do need to be set, right? So you have to prioritize self care and not feel guilty about that. I can't tell you how often uh in my military environment experience where I've met individuals who felt guilty taking care of themselves first, right? Because it's a selfless service, okay? In the military, just like many other jobs, okay, but I my Experiences in military, so I use that a lot. But when you are in a selfless service type field or work, you do feel guilty to taking care of you first. But if you don't do that, if you don't do that, um, what happens is you establish more emotional overload, and you want to prevent that. So you will have to prioritize self-care. Right now, self setting those healthy boundaries, what it does is that it allows us to protect our emotional and mental health while still showing a bit of empathy to others. And that's recognizing our own limitations, communicating with them effectively. Um, we can maintain a healthy balance in our relationships. And so you have to practice a little bit of self-empathy, right? Um, in addition to practicing empathy with others, it's equally important to cultivate that empathy towards ourselves, right? And so, what does that look like? That self-empathy involves understanding and meeting our own emotional needs, so you have to listen to those emotional needs, right? Now, when you're talking about understanding and meeting your own emotional needs, that's self-emphyta, it just begins with recognizing and acknowledging your own emotions. So that's taking the time to understand um our needs and finding healthy ways to fulfill them, you know, it contributes to our overall well-being. Okay, so that's self-compassion and and and self-care. How do we practice that? Right? It's it's treating ourselves with kindness and understanding first, right? Just as you would treat, let's say, a loved one. It's the same exact thing. Okay. Um, we hear this example a lot when we talk about the the situation of the plane, right? When that flight attendant says, Hey, any event that a plane is going down, you don't your mask first before you try to help someone else. That is the same exact way. And so engaging in self-care activities that nourish our mind, our body, and our soul is an integral part to self-empathy. All right. Um, now I'm on a podcast. This is a podcast, EQ Conversations. I'm also on YouTube, I'm on Instagram, um, because I want to reach as many people as possible. And I will tell you, I am not good at advertisement and things of that nature. I have a lot of things going on in my life or whatever, but I know that this is super, super important. So I know I have to pour more time into it. I just have the time management. But I mentioned that um as far as social media and everything because I mentioned earlier as far as empathy in a digital world, because this is where we are today. This is where we are, and this is I I strongly believe this is going to be the future. Um, you know, most of my clinical practice has been face-to-face. However, when COVID hit, I actually saw the benefit of telehealth. I saw the benefit of working and doing uh therapy uh online, right? And this is what I mean by as far as the digital world. Now, again, it took a bit of a learning curve, you know, but it goes to show that the digital world is here to stay and we gotta adapt to it. And I think empathy in the digital world is equally important. And so in this digital age, empathy really extends beyond face-to-face interaction. And so, although the medium may change, the essence of empathy remains crucial and meaningful connections in the virtual realm. And so building empathy online can be challenging due to, you know, the absence of novel recues, um, the physical presence, you know, things that I noticed, you know, when making the switch. However, technology also provides opportunities uh for diverse individuals to connect and uh share their experiences on a global scale. I ran a public discourse on TikTok, and I mean I had individuals engaging in those public um discourses uh from all walks of life, you know, something I couldn't never got in a face-to-face setting, right? Um, but I definitely worked on my ability to um understand what individuals are saying, um, giving them a platform and an opportunity to express themselves and not um snapping or being triggered by what they were saying. So the empathy skills work just as well in the digital world as well. And building those connections online, you know, we do that to foster empathy in the digital world. I think it's essential that to actively listen, to respect diverse um perspectives and engage in meaningful conversations. And we do that by creating a safe and inclusive online environment, right? Um, and we can cultivate uh empathy and build um those connections that way as well. So I think in the digital world, um empathy is equally important, right? So, regardless of the fact, as I mentioned, going back and forth with individuals, um, having those meaningful connections, and I'm an adult applying this. I'm in my 40s and I'm applying this more, I'm more actively engaged in it. But just think about how how important it would be, how beneficial it would be if we start teaching empathy to children at a very young age. And I'm talking as early as pre-K, and I think that's what four years old, five years old, if you will. Um, but empathy is a skill that can be nurtured from a very young age. And teaching empathy helps them develop strong children, by the way, it helps them develop strong interpersonal skills and cultivate meaningful connections throughout their lives. We see a lot of kids who are who deal with suicide, who get into a lot of mild adaptive, impulsive behaviors like cutting and drugs and all of these kind of things because they are have never been given a place or environment, if you will, where they can express themselves or at least process their emotions effectively. And I think empathy, that skill being taught to kids at a very young age, would start to minimize these other maladaptive behaviors in the future. And so, fostering empathy skills in kids, I think parents and educators alike, they play a crucial role in fostering empathy, right? And it's encouraging perspective taking, practicing active listening, and promoting kindness towards others. These are all effective strategies for teaching, for teaching empathy. And so the first thing I think, as far as perspective taking, if you will, is really leading by example and empathy education. So I believe, and I'm sure a lot of people will confirm that children learn best by observing and imitating their role models. And leading by example and demonstrating empathy in our interactions with others sets a powerful foundation for children, um their empathetic development. And so empathy education programs in schools can also contribute to nurturing empathy skills. And again, I think it should start as early as preschool, right? And so um uh we have to be able to understand empathy uh from a cultural understanding. And I think another pivotal role in promoting in promoting you know cultural understanding is embracing diversity. And so, what does empathy do? Well, by empathizing with individuals from different cultural backgrounds, we can break down those barriers that foster um um, or breaking down barriers and fostering a more inclusive, if you will, community. And so that recognizing and respecting diverse perspectives, I think is critical because empathy allows us to rec, you know, to to um look at those diverse perspectives and experiences of individuals from all various cultures. And so if we are embracing this diversity, we promote that understanding, we create a more inclusive society. And what that does is that limits the amount of time, energy, and effort spent in biases and stereotypes, something that we've developed at a very young age, that those behaviors are hard to break. But empathy does help us challenge our own biases and our stereotypes. Um, and it does that by encouraging us to see beyond the surface level differences. And so by seeking to understand others' experiences, I think we can break down those barriers and build bridges of like empathy, right? And so those practicing tips, right, or practical tips, if you will, for enhancing empathy is really looking at paying attention to body language and emotions, observing nonverbal cues and and understand others' emotions and respond accordingly, right? You want to ask um open-ended questions, right? Encouraging meaningful conversations by asking questions that invite others to share their thoughts and feelings. Okay, you definitely want to practice empathy daily, and this is just you making a conscious effort to empathize with others in various situations, such as during conversations or when encountering, you know, any type of challenges. And so by actively practicing empathy, we can create a more compassion and understanding world. And I think at the end of the day, that is what we are all here to do. It's not really, we're not here to break people down, you know, or we shouldn't rather. You know, we should definitely be able to have conversations, meaningful conversations, make those connections with people so this world can continue to go around. We'll use the resources as as you know, the digital world, as uh uh and other resources like that to bring to bring us closer to one another. But once we have those opportunities to really connect with one another and really start to understand each other, you start to see the anxiety, the biases, the discrimination, you start to see it decrease. It by default decreases. Who wouldn't want that? And so to wrap up here, I'm I'm I'm here to tell you that empathy is a powerful tool that can transform personal and professional relationships, right? And by understanding and acknowledging the emotions of others, we build trust, we improve our communication, and we foster connections that endure. Cultivating empathy requires active listening, it requires self-awareness, it also requires uh willingness to step into someone else's shoes. And so I encourage you, I encourage myself as well to embrace the power of empathy and apply its skills in our daily lives, making, you know, it then makes a more positive impact on the world around us. Um, now before I let you go here, um, as I stated, I'll start doing, uh I want to start doing uh from um last session, or last episode rather, is I like to provide a reading because I have several books that I have um on each of these topics when it comes to EQ, emotional intelligence, as well as empathy. And one of the books that I pulled from my shelf here um is a book by Carla uh McLaurin, and it's uh it's The Art of Empathy. And in this book, uh Carla, the author, she explores the concept of empathy and provides viable insight and practical principles for developing and harnessing empathy in our lives. Okay, now the the book does off you know offers a deep understanding of empathy, um, its importance and how it can be utilized effectively uh in order to enhance our relationships and our well-being. So throughout the book, um Carla emphasizes the significance of recognizing and embracing our emotions as a pathway to empathy. And so she provides a viable tool, but she provides um you know, like viable tools and techniques to cultivate uh empathy and integrate it into our daily lives. So um that book I highly suggest. Uh again, I own it, I have it here: The Art of Uh Empathy by Carla Um McLaurin. Um, I think you will find it very, very uh helpful to getting a well-rounded understanding about empathy and ways to apply empathy to your life. So, there you have it. Until next time, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for tuning in to EQ Conversations. I almost got the 30 minutes. Uh, I do apologize for that, but nonetheless, I hope this information was good for you. I hope that you can um you walk away understanding how important empathy is and motivated on how to apply it to your lives if you haven't uh or if you do it and you need to do more of it. Um, I think that this skill is harmless. Um, it's only gonna enhance your ability to establish health.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Thank you for tuning in to EQ Conversations with Dr. Raheem Leigh and embarking on this transformative journey with us. Stay tuned for upcoming episodes where we'll dive deeper into the fascinating world of emotional intelligence and empathy. Until next time, remember to be kind to yourself and others and always strive to cultivate your emotional intelligence.